A look forward.

:)

So, since it's January, and the new year has begun, I think it's time to look back on the past year and forward on the current year, even if I don't want to do it. I'm writing out a list because I don't feel like writing in paragraph form, that's just disgusting.

1. School - I can't stress over it anymore. It's useless to get mad and worked up over things (grades, projects, teachers, etc.). All I can do is try my best and have fun. I can't let IB define me, because I don't define IB. I hate being noted as an IB kid, I'm just a kid that takes IB, that's it. I hate IB with a passion, and I always have conversations in my head about how bad IB treats it's kids, but oh well. I have one and a half years left, and I'm going to have fun, BE A NORMAL KID.

2. Family - I love them nonetheless. Even when they get annoying, I know that they are always behind me.

3. Friends - Most I have known since elementary and middle school. I have good friends, really good friends, but many times I find myself not wanting to be friends with some of my friends. Like, I love them no doubt, but I don't like being considered a square or a good girl. It makes me seem boring, I need more friends that crank out. Eh, I have a couple, so let's see where that brings me. I just need to see how it is not to be surrounded by the 'good girls/boys.' I have no idea if that makes sense, but yeah. I want to go to parties more often just because I hate them, I want to be able to experience what most teenagers experience. I need to get a wider circle of friends, more versitatly. Oh, and some friends just need to get dropped.

4. Boys - Gosh, I hate boys. But, I must say, I love the ones that keep me sane.

The most important one, Mike.

We have gone through so much together, it's stupid that we are always fighting. Like, I love this kid with all of my heart no matter what, just because he's amazing. He was the guy that I always went to when I had a problem, he listened to me always, even when I wasn't making any sense at all. Some people don't understand our relationship and why I'm always going back to him, but they just don't get it; he just knows me/understands me and I like that. & I mean, starting over with someone new is something that I don't want to do, it's just too much. He's different from me, so he keeps me interested. Idk, I could talk about him for forever. Mike, he's my bestfriend and I will go through hurt and pain just to have him by me. & I know that is not the way it should be, but I need in him in my life constantly. It upsets me that we always fight, but when we aren't fighting, it's beautiful. I seriously think the only reason we fight so much is because we jumped so fast in a relationship and it's hard for both of us to let go. When we fight, we both don't think. We've both had pissy/bad days and we just take it out on one another. Me being a girl doesn't help either, because we always end up fighting when I'm PMSing, so we all know how that goes. We just fit together, and sometimes that's hard because you always get eachother and that can cause problems. Mike .. Mike .. dang. He's perfect, even his flaws are perfect. His laugh, the way he holds my hand, the way he holds me when I jump in the movies because I get scared, the way he loves his family, the way that I can tell him secrets and know that it's only going to stay with him, his smell, his dedication, the way his mind works, GEEZ. I'm in love with him and he doesn't even know. You know when people say that people will leave your life eventually, I don't think he will ever leave mines even if we aren't talking right now. I'm actually crying now, damn. I miss him A LOT. I just really hope that he sees how much I need him and how much he is hurting me right now, and ASAP too, because I can't take it. Every single thing reminds me of us. I can't listen to certain songs, use words, look at movies, dance, talk about something, listen to something, etc. without feeling down because I'm not able to share it with him, tell him about it, or it just reminds me of him. He's my mans, and I need him. Everything just feels weird without him. Maybe I'm just sprung.

Collin.

This kid, man. He keeps me level headed. We talk a lot, and he thinks I don't tell him anything, but I really do. He gives good advice and recently has turned into a great friend and not an asshole. I appreciate when he tells me when I'm acting like a bitch, and I guess he gets it when he's acting like a dick. We've known each other since we were in diapers, and our friendship is destined to grow more. We've gone through a lot and I have no idea how he puts up with me. He's fun, I need to keep him around.

Brendon.

I don't understand how we are friends. But, I love him to death do us part :) My right hand man, he is always there for me when I need him and he can always count on me. No matter what happens in both of our lives, we can always count on eachother. I know that he is going to blow one day, I know it. And I'll be right by his side to see his dream come true.

Marcus.

You are crazy fun. Sooo weird, but an amazing person. I am in lovee with your little brother though, lol. You make sure that I always have fun when we chill together. Oh, and I'm still trying to learn how to skateboard, so come over mi casa!

Jerel.

I don't really know how I feel about you in the Army. It scares me. You are a great person. You get me, and I have no idea how. I can talk to you for hours. Me and you are going to be close for a while. I love your tattoos and your respect for women, dude, you are close to being perfect.

Lucas.

Someone that I love dearly. Words can't explain our friendship. Lucas, I have noo idea why you do the things you do for me, but I appreciate it fully. You understand me.
Andre.
Hmm, you amaze me all the time. I just wanted to let you know that. Me and you, BFFs till the end :) Or atleast until you go to university, nopee, we are still going to be BFFs! You know why I like you, and let's keep it at that. I wish you all of the luck in the galaxy when you go to Florida to play ball and study. You are destined to be something amazing, and I can't wait to watch.

5. My girls.
Brittany, JEMD, Silvia, Kirstin, Natalia, Samira, Abby, Miracle, Briana, Savannah, and Brandi.
Mhm, there are not enough words in the English and Spanish language to express my gratitude towards you guys. I wish I could type how I feel about every last one of you guys, but I can't. I love every single one of you, and I appreciate our friendships and sisterhoods. You guys talk to me and make sure that I don't go crazy :)

6. Things I need to work on,

• My time management.
• My blocking of emotions.
• Thinking that people don't care about me.
• The amount of time I spend on my blogs.
• My urges to throw my Blackberry across the room when I get angry or when dumb people text/call me.
• I need to treat my brother a bit nicer.
• I need to think before I speak.
• I WILL HAVE MORE FUN :) :)

7. Crew - GOD, I HATE CREW. Haha, but I love it so much. I need to focus my mind on the spring season in Feburary. I am hoping this year is different than last year's season. Focus, Focus, Focus.