I'm trying?

I don't really know what my relationship with God is, but I try to be a good Christian. Lately, I've been trying to talk to him more often, but I have no idea whether or not he hears or even listens to me, because I never hear a voice back. Sometimes, I wonder if he's not responding to me and my questions because I've been disappointing him recently, but he has to know that he's not the only one disappointed in myself. I have to live with this intense disappointment, it's always going to be in my heart and my mind retains everything that has gone down. I can't forget what I've done, it's going to stay with me, and I think that's the hardest thing ever. I can never go back in time and change things. My mistakes are my mistakes. Never to be done again. And I have to learn and deal with that. Last night, I believe that I had an epiphany. God has put people in my life to show my levels of strength. I've been hurt before, so many times, and that's why I can't trust people easily. My strength comes from the pain that these people that come into my life give me, whether it's their or my fault. I guess he uses this to test how strong I am, to know that I will and always will stand up after a fall, no matter how deep it cuts me. No matter how much I've been hurt and lied to, I will always come up standing. But then God has also put people in my life to be in my corner when the world is on my shoulders and it feels like I've been living in a nightmare. These people support me, love me, are there for me, work with my imperfections and flaws; they know me. I thank God for giving me the strength to stand up and keep going, to make sure that I don't let anything get me down no matter what it is. This was a mistake and now it's time to learn from it.